• Courtney Parks, MA, CPCC

3 Tips To Getting What You Want In Any Negotiation


Negotiation shows up in almost every aspect of our work and life. While we typically think about negotiating around money, it’s really about relationships. We have a desire or challenge and we need agreement, assistance or action from someone else.

Sounds simple, right?

What makes negotiating complex (especially when we want or need something badly) is that it pushes our buttons. We’re uncomfortable with confrontation or we feel like we need to manipulate or we worry that our wish is really in someone else’s hands.

While you can’t control everything in a negotiation, you can absolutely control your approach.

Here are 3 things that will help.

Start by connecting

When we get wrapped up in having what we want (the salary, the day off, the help we’re asking for or the space we need), we often make up that the person on the other end is going to say no…so we head into the conversation like we’re going into BATTLE. While those you negotiate with may not share your point of view, the more you show up in fight mode, the more likely there will be a fight.

While it helps to prepare for some resistance so you can think through how to respond, do your best to stay calm and CONNECT, rather than argue. This sets the tone for both a positive experience and a positive outcome for everyone.

Practice enrollment

Your job in any negotiation is to enroll people in your idea or desire. Instead of “making” them do something, you’re there to help them to see a perspective. When done properly and with integrity, negotiating is about sharing an idea or a solution with others in a compelling way – and helping them to see the benefits, especially from their point of view.

When I started out as a coach, I negotiated a four day work week at my (then) job by focusing on why it would work for the company, not just for me. I thought through how my new position, my new schedule and my new salary would ultimately help THEM and did my best to be both empathic and empowered as I shared my thoughts. Fortunately, they said yes and the transition went smoothly for all of us.

Expect a happy ending

No matter what you want, trust that it can work!! If you go into any negotiation assuming the BEST, real magic can happen.

Like visioning, getting clear on what you want and holding it as truth is as important as any other preparation. Set your intention and show up as if things will actually go your way – and if they don’t, you can always have a plan B, which may just mean negotiating with someone else.

When your desire is powerful and your belief is strong, negotiation simply becomes a tool to help you create a career and life you really love.

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